It saddens me that feeling has fallen to the way side in music. I am not saying that it is gone completely, I see it in artists like Adel or Rhianna's slower songs. The truth is that real feeling in music today has just been homogenized enough to be safe. We are afraid to say what we feel. We ride that fence, tip toeing, hoping that what we say doesn't offend, because we know that someone around the corner is waiting with baited breath to jump out of the darkness and point fingers. Maybe I am just old but people today are too thin skinned. We have lost the ability to deal with emotion, and we are so quick to bring out our pitchforks at even the slightest poke at our ego. I miss feeling in music. In the 90's we had angst, fun, and coolness. It was exciting. In the 80's it was political, experimental, and technological. The 70's were all about having a good time, and rebellion. The 60's were filled with freedom and uniqueness. The last 17 years however have just been bland as far as mainstream music goes. Nothing major, unless you consider dubstep major. Sorry, kids I don't. I miss that feeling, I miss soul in music. The kind of music that makes your insides shout "FUCK YES!!" because you actually feel, and I mean really feel, the music. It's not a vapid nothingness. Again, don't get me wrong here, there are artists that make me feel, it's just that they aren't well known to the masses. It seems that Soul and R&B that once dominated the airwaves in the 60's and 70's is now almost a bygone sound. Sure there is soul and R&B out there but it's severely lacking true feeling, true soul. Let's take recently departed Charles Bradley for instance. His is not a well known name to many people, but I can almost bet that if you listen to the song "The World (Is Going Up In Flames)" you will know exactly what I am trying to say. It's real, it's emotion, it's feeling. We need more of that in this world. We need to make feeling come back. Unfortunately for us, due to Mr. Bradley's passing, we can only revel in what he left behind. The good news is that we can learn a lesson from him, that it's okay to be vulnerable, but in order to be vulnerable you have to be tough. Something which I think is really lost currently. R.I.P Charles.
Real talk time, as if that last blurb wasn't heavy enough. I have been away from doing this blog for a long time. There have been realizations that I came upon recently about my life that I truly feel have kept me from achieving what I want out of life. I'm not saying I have a bad life, because I don't. I have a good group of friends who I love, and love me. Same with my family, they are loving and supportive. I am able to put food on the table and have made it on my own for the past 15ish years. I will say that there have been some rough times and I didn't get dealt the best hand at times, but that is life and I made it this far. So that is the good part. The no so good part is this, I have been hiding behind a mask when it comes to how I really feel. I've never been one to easily convey how I feel, how I truly feel. I like to seem cool calm and collected, and usually I can. When it comes to the the problems I can't be calm about, I do the ol' stuff it down and try to forget trick. Well, as we all know ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. You can try to escape from them, and I got really good at doing that, but it's going to catch you. It also creates a lot of feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, depression etc. I did a lot of things to try to escape those feelings, and to be honest some of them worked so well that I relied on them, and they became habits. Not good ones. The crutches were things I mentioned above, stuffing feelings down, overthinking and irrational thinking, substance abuse, and self isolating. They held me back from who I really was, what I really felt, and who I wanted to be. I don't say this out of pitty, because I think a lot of it is self chosen, albeit on a very subconscious level. Again I feel I need to reiterate that all of this has been going on for a very long time. In the last three years it has really reared it's ugly head, and I feel that I am finally ready to deal with it. For the last few months I have been talking steps to work on the things that are holding me back. I quit indulging in substances that allow me to escape from my problems, I am seeing a professional councilor, I am throwing myself back into the things I once loved, and I am becoming more open and honest with myself and those around me. While this is more than good, I am still at a point where I have a lot of fear, a lot of feeling directionless, and impatience. I worry about losing friends, I worry about failure, I get easily frustrated when I don't see results. I can say that each day I feel I am becoming more at peace with myself, more accepting of the situation, and in turn I am seeing positive results. I am working on this music blog again, which has always been fun and a passion of mine. I am feeling more creative, more motivated, more courage to put myself out there and not be behind that mask. It's been exhausting and a painfully slow process (like molasses slow) but, it's also really cool to see myself unfolding and becoming something different, something better. Do I miss some of the things I did prior to deciding to make this change? Hell yes I do! I've had to keep myself away from places and people I absolutely love to ensure I don't falter. I hope someday soon I can be strong enough to re-visit those places and people, and I hope they understand. Until I feel I am ready though, I have to do me. With that said, lets bring it back to the music. There is a playlist I created almost a year ago that I created to listen to when I get all of those negative feelings. It's filled with songs that understand, and rebuild. Songs that say "Fuck you, I'm not going out like this!" I call it Feel Better Music, and I share this in hopes that it helps someone else.
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